Alright, so I wrote my first chapter of a book, and I want to know what you think. Do you think I over did it with the house? Please let me know. Fairfield Haven is for extremely rich people. People who have successful businesses or are stars. Let me know honestly, but don’t be too harsh. Thanks
kaigirl15:hey… i’ve been missing u lately. where have u been?
dave05hr:hi practice is rough coach wants me 2 be perfect. not much time lately
kaigirl15:wish u’d quit. no time for me or friends.
dave05hr:talk to coach wish I could see u every day but can’t too important
kaigirl15:what about me? I’m important too rite?
dave05hr:yea but I need scholarship, it’s my life.
kaigirl15:u don’t need a scholarship ur dad can pay just as easily
dave05hr:not really. Won’t matter anyway it’s the principle of the thing. I gotta go. bye
dave05hr has signed off
“Bye.” I whispered, logging off and closing my computer screen. David was always doing this to me. Blowing me off for baseball. That’s all he cared about lately. I pushed myself away from my desk and I unlocked my door. Locking my bedroom door was a habit I had when I did something and didn’t want to be interrupted. I turned around and turned off the stereo I had blasting.
Walking out of my room was always a surprise. I still never got used to the size of our house. Well, I called it a house, my parents and people around me called it a mansion. With all the long halls, and elegant furniture and décor, I felt out of place. Growing up in a small town had always been a delight for me, but my father made it big and landed a major role on a television show. Before I knew it, I soon found my family and me moving to Fairfield Haven, a gated community for the wealthy. I hated all the mansions and mini-mansions. Fairfield Haven was filled with exclusive stores, expensive homes and most of all, snobby people.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but most of their parents could be snobby and far too social. Sadly, my parents were slowly turning into those people, as well as my older sister, Jade and her husband, Ray who live with us. We had more than enough room for 5 families in this house, although we do try to make it at homey and comfortable as we possibly can. It’s a good thing my mother never really lost her comfort and motherly touch. She still cooked dinners at which we were all required to attend at dinner. I thank God for that every day, because without a touch of comfort, I would be lost.
I slammed by door shut and made my way down the hall, or my hall. Each person had their own hall. Of course my parents shared a hall as well as Jade and Ray. These halls had our own private bathrooms and a lounge designed perfectly by whoever’s hall it is.
I made my way down the elegant staircase and into the kitchen. I reached for an apple from the fruit bowl my mom always kept on the island. My phone, which was sitting in front of me, was blinking. As I checked, I found 3 messages. All of them from my best friend, Trisha. She had texted me telling me to meet her at the fountain by in the mall by 3:30. I checked the clock on the oven. It was 2:30. With just enough time, I could make it to the mall with just enough time to pick up something small to give to Jade for her birthday this week and meet Trisha in just enough time.
I grabbed my car keys from the bowl in the front hall. “Dad? Dad?” I called out as loud as I could. My mom appeared from the basement with a basket of laundry in hands.
“What is it, Kylie?” My mom asked.
“I need money. I’m meeting Trish at the mall and I need to pick up a few things.” I told her. Hopefully Dad left her money today, or else I would have to head out to the studio, which was at least 20 minutes away without traffic. I would barely have enough time to make it back to the mall.
“Your dad decided to get you a credit card as an early Christmas gift.” My mom said as she dug into her bag to find it.
“But it’s only September.” I protested, taking the credit card from her.
“Well, he said that you ask for so much money all the time, that it would be easier for you to always have it. But,” There’s always a but. “this card is limited. When you reach a total of $4,000, you reached your limit and your dad has to put in some more money, but only a tiny bit each week. Use it wisely.” She told me. Although $4,000 dollars seems like much, it doesn’t in Fairfield Haven. It would only last me 2 weeks, but then again, nowadays, money seems be rolling in like wind.
“Thanks!” I cried out and hugged her. I grabbed my bag and hurried out to my car.
My father happens to make a lot of money. Not somethign like this, far from it, but he makes at least something like 6,000 a week, or more. You don’t always need a nanny or housekeeper. They will have a cleaning lady to do most of it, but her mother prefers a cozy, homelike house. She isn’t big on being filthy rich and neither is the girl. The girl hates being rich, even if it means getting whatever she wants. She wants a normal lifestyle. Maybe I will tone it down a bit, but telling me that I have the whole concept wrong is a bit annoying. I KNOW what I’m doing, I’m not an idiot. Thank you very much. 
Wow! good story, but you need more, start the middle of the story more of interesting facts, but i read it and forgot i was answering a question it felt like i was reading out from a book in my palm, but until i got the the end is when I noticed i was reading off the computer! its really good! put for more of the chapter, describe her, her name, what she looks like, or put it in the beginning, and i didnt get this part,
kaigirl15: hey… i’ve been missing u lately. where have u been?
dave05hr: hi practice is rough coach wants me 2 be perfect. not much time lately
kaigirl15: wish u’d quit. no time for me or friends.
dave05hr: talk to coach wish I could see u every day but can’t too important
kaigirl15: what about me? I’m important too rite?
dave05hr: yea but I need scholarship, it’s my life.
kaigirl15: u don’t need a scholarship ur dad can pay just as easily
dave05hr: not really. Won’t matter anyway it’s the principle of the thing. I gotta go. bye
dave05hr has signed off
before you put that say you were surfing the web and the i m popped up, makes the beginning describe more, because weird text on the laptop doesn’t sound straight, its looks ockword, but i would read more, its a good start, keep up the good work, and if you can can you post it to a site, i want to read more!